I successfully got myself out of bed this morning
An embarrassing number of alarms had to go off before I did
Over a 40 minute stretch of time no less
and yes I set every single one the night before
But I did it! I got out of bed.
I’ll consider it a win
You know what’s worse?
I’m a morning person!
That’s the thing with morning people
we’re not perfect
We have bad days too
in my case
I’ve not simply fallen into a lack of discipline from the moment my sweet green head popped out the mothership bangin’ to some extraterrestrial tunes
To be precise
I fell out the mothership
and just because I’m an extraterrestrial doesn’t mean I can fly so
Unless you’re Shaquille O’Neal
I’m fairly certain he’s an alien
who can fly or at the very least hover for a considerable time
So I fell out the mothership
At the mercy of the harrowing laws of the universe
I plummet directly through a whispy cloud of self discipline,
And I land squarely face first on the hard unforgiving cement of “hmm, maybe I should do that”
All I’m saying is
If you ever find yourself on an alien planet, inquire about:
– Disgruntled Doctors and the ease of getting prescriptions
– aaand over-achieving psychiatrists
We’re not alone
I’m sure aliens struggle with laziness too
But I’ve not simply discovered my own sloth
You think I simply write about doing nothing
and not feeling like I can do anything?
You think all I am doing right now is writing about doing nothing?
Cause I do that all the time
my frightening alien origin-story-esque descent bequeathed unto me the force of a suped-up drilling rig
And I plowed
I plowed beyond that cement of indifference and what did I find?!
Let me explain
I’m not simply lacking in motivation
know about it.
This entire article was building up to that moment, and I really thought it would be less anticlimactic
It’s really not that impressive now that I say it
Now I can (hypothetically?) justify my actions and have a bit of comfort in some good quality of mine
I’m at the center of the earth and I don’t care
I don’t care about anything except my indifference
Yeah that’s right
I just claimed that shocking moral high ground
Im just saying
If a self-aware laziness is the first step to a better me,
Then I dwarf Shaq in leg span