Reconnecting

I question what is real

but why oh why?

Isn’t it obvious?

Shouldn’t the fact that you relegate the pressing tasks of your life to the butterflies you chase in your head simply demonstrate that your priorities are out of just alignment?

Reality isn’t the problem, Ryan

You are!

Oddly comforting

and yet

Not at all comforting!

I currently feel aimless

But I have plenty of things to aim me

I just need to do them

It’s simple

All that is necessary to restore my soul to its grounded position is to accomplish the tasks which are required for me to move my life in the direction that I want it to go

and yet

I don’t find it in my heart to care

deadlines truly truly do nothing for me

As if creative procrastination presents itself as the insertion of eternality directly between me in this moment and my potential imperative prerogative

That is

“Creative procrastination” because I am writing (an activity which is still very valuable, especially for me) instead of attending to more pressing matters

“Insertion of eternality” because, as is the hope of all procrastinators, when I run from my responsibilities I wish for all the planets and universal mechanisms of growth and decay  also to flee their respective enterprises of revolution and procession

or at the very least do me a solid (or an aqueous solution – I’m not picky) and pause for a bit

And finally

“Potential” because whether I actually take care of my responsibilities is most definitely up in the air

“Imperative” because necessity

“Prerogative” because it’s my choice whether I do my shit

I am realizing now how complex of a problem this is

My drift is attributable to many things

If “drift” doesn’t communicate satisfactorily the resigned mindset I often have

Imagine untethered suspension in space

arms splayed out

no point of reference for up and down

the whole shabang

The drift has an infinity of causes for an infinity of people

For me, it is some combination of fear, anxiety, laziness (which stems from the first two), far awayness, and plain neuroticism

probably

But the issue becomes complex because, though I run, I am running to something good

writing.

Writing this article has considerably lifted my spirits, and the indulging of my own brand of far awayness has begun to equip me with the mental attitude and fortitude necessary to move forward with my life

Creative catharsis, you might call it

If you are saddled in indifference

Or lost in your fantasies

Or plagued by a dream

indulge the distance

Maybe you need to confront something way out there before you come back


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